So you're graduating tomorrow

Get excited.

When you're sitting out there, and you hear all of your friends' called you get more and more excited for each one. If you have to pee from all the excitement, that's okay.  That's why they make you wear a robe to these things.

Prepare for your name.

If you get up during someone else's name by mistake then you keep walking up there and take their diploma.  You're a graduate now, and you don't apologize for shit.

Don't trip.

If you do trip just lay there.  Flop.  Pretend you tore your ACL. No one will ask questions. We'll get Dr. James Andrews to do your surgery.

You have an eight wave minimum while your on stage. Don't let anyone rush you.

Pour a little out for your homies.

Don't let a woman make you who you are (I forgot what the topic of this post was).

Remember though, everyone who says your life is going to change forever from that moment on is full of crap. It doesn't change that much (then again what do I know, I live in the same town I went to high school AND college in).

Congrats guys (I was going to post the clip of Elle Woods from Legally Blonde saying "We did it!" at her graduation, but I couldn't find it, so just pretend I did).

Blog-gate

If you are completely unaware of what the Watergate Scandal is, I'll make a long story short for you.  It was basically the beginning of the end of Richard Nixon's presidency, when Nixon's campaign tried to cover up a break in by fellow Republicans at the Democratic National Committee headquarters. Now you know.

So why in 2013 (besides the fact major news organizations are incredibly lazy) are we still using the term 'insert word about scandal here'-gate to describe ANY type of scandal or controversy? 

That whole Nixon thing isn't called the Watergate Scandal because the word Watergate comes from the Latin wateria gata which means great big mess.  It is called the Watergate scandal because that was the name of the damn building in which the break in occurred.

So when I hear someone on the news say something like, "Oh this whole gun bill getting voted down in the Senate has turned into a real gungate," it really grinds my gears.  Gungate isn't a word, it is a gate made out of guns, which would probably not be a very cost effective gate, when wood or chain link will work just fine. 

Moral of this post?  There are literally hundreds of thousands of words in our language, let's try using some more appropriate ones when applicable please. 

You're so vain you probably think this post is about you

Patton Oswalt has this bit that I don't remember verbatim, but it is something along the lines of,
"We don't have to respect people's opinions. We have acknowledge people have opinions that may be different than our own, and if those opinions are stupid, then we have the right to tell you so."

Every time a tragedy like the one in Boston occurs, many people see a flurry of posts on their Facebook, Twitter, etc. offering prayers, condolences, positive thoughts or what have you for the victims.

You also have people posting insane opinions and asinine theories about what happened, believing their version of events if the one that is probably true. Or they believe that this isn't tragic because something more tragic happened somewhere else, and we should pay attention to that.

Let those people feel free to post whatever their crazy minds concoct about this particular tragedy, but remember, you don't have respect them.  Just acknowledge that they have their own wacko opinions.  And just like they can have those opinions, you also have the right to inform them they are probably a crazy person.  But don't let them get to you.